OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
