I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
