He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
There are leaves in my underwear?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
