But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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