What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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