remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
