if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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