Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
