She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Less talking, more tequila
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
