haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
