That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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