My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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