***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
operation have a gay friend backfired
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
