my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
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