Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize