Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
