so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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