If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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