woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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