Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
