Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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