There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Semen is not good for contacts.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
