Umm I'm too high to move.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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