Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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