Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
