I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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