just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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