I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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