Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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