i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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