i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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