I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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