don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
