It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
