Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
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My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
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All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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