You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
