No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
