hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
