I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
its not stalking. its research.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
