if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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