i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
