Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
