Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
