We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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