he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
