I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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