I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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