Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
