so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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