Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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