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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
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woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
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The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize