I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
