I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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