I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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