I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
