It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
