He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
