Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
