Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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