Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
How external is "for external use only"?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
