my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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