She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
