I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
where are my eyebrows?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
