pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
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i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
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Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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