is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
