I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
