i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
