yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We have started to decorate penises.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
