Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
