it hurts more in the daytime
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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