He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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