We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
