she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
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She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
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JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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