i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
