wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
