He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
