pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
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I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
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to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize