I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
