omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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