I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
are you so shy because you have an std?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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