Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
